Justifiable homicide: Bathroom Edition

Okay, maybe not full-on homicide. Maybe more like "Justifiable Punch in the Head". Because seriously....SERIOUSLY. Here's the thing: When you're a younger person and you're living in apartments and dorms and other starter-type abodes, you don't really think about things like home design. Well, at least I didn't. And if I did it wasn't in a serious manner. More like thinking, "I wanna live in a house that has a huge kick-ass library like the Beast gave Belle." But somewhere around age thirty, I think, the majority of ladies are all about the following: the three Cs of space: counter, closet and cabinet; how easy are typically hard to clean aspects (like floors) to actually clean; bathrooms.

Bathrooms. Oh, bathrooms. I started life in a very typical 70s ranch house. Brick, 3BR, 2BA, LR, DR, Den. When #3 of our sibling set arrived, my parents upsized to another typical 70s offering, the split foyer (seriously, the two neighborhoods I lived in my entire life until college were 90% one of three floor plans: split-level, split foyer, ranch). In retrospect, my mom swears that the only reason the sellers were able to sell the house was that it was completely empty, because it's floor plan--things like wall space and placement of doors and windows--makes it virtually impossible to decorate. It also, for reasons known only to God and the idiot architect, had four HUGE bedrooms and only two tiny full baths. Now, when I was living there full time, my sister was too young and my brother was too...boy, for me to realize that bathroom design especially with regards to storage was an integral aspect of a home--mainly because the "kid" bathroom in our house was pretty much exclusively my domain--I had all of the STUFF. And while the storage in these bathrooms wasn't great, there was at least things like counters, drawers and cabinets.

Cut to the present...there's a part of me that says that I shouldn't complain. I work in a job where I live in the house where I work. I've transitioned from a full-time nanny to more of a full-time organizer, errand-runner, dog companion, whatever needs done person. Sort of like a combination house manager and personal assistant. And that means I don't pay rent or if there's some sort of problem--like a stopped up sink--I don't have to worry about eating ramen for a week because it's the end of the month and I have to pay a plumber to come fix the clog. So again, I feel like I shouldn't complain. But really...this bathroom is kinda awful. First of all, there's a pedestal sink which is fantastic for a half-bath/powder room, because space, but is infuriating in a full bath that is used as someone's primary "getting ready" bath because or storage issues, but more than that, where, pray tell, is one supposed to put curling/straightening irons, hair dryers, makeup bags, brushes. These things generally end up in a pile in the sink and if I get something on my hands I have to go out to the sink at the wet bar to wash them. What's worse it that one side of the sink is too close to the wall to put a little table or cabinet and the other is in the line of fire of the shower door which opens out into the bathroom. Ugh. When I first arrived the bathroom was papered in a violently 80s pattern in teal and white. It was already starting to peel in the corners (and get little mold spots. ew) and I finally made the executive decision that I was gonna just strip it and paint it. Which I did, but I foolishly listened to the guy at Home Depot's suggestion and the walls are (and have been for several years now) this weird shiny, dark gray. It's one of those things that would work if you had one of those bathrooms you could perform gymnastics routines in--it doesn't work in an asymmetric, pentagonal shape with about 4 square feet of open floor space. The fixtures are the goldiest of gold...which I hate. There were originally THREE towel bars (because apparently that's how many you need in a tiny, tiny bathroom, but none of them were conveniently located. There's horribly dated lighting--seriously it's one of those bars with the round bulbs. There's a small white laminate cabinet above the toilet, which is in a little offset, but it's MAYBE deep enough to store washcloths, definitely not towels. There's a medicine cabinet, but it's old, old, old and the silvering is starting to come off the mirror so it looks pretty gross.

So over the years, I've tried SO many different ideas for storing things and arranging things and fixing the no counter problem, and nothing has worked. So I spent pretty much all day on Friday working on the logistics of how to fix this. Then, I went to Target to get lightbulbs, but when I got in that section, learned that they now have a whole paint and wallpaper to go thing happening. So I got that there, because it was cheap and if it goes horribly wrong, I won't feel like I wasted a fortune. I researched medicine cabinet replacement. I pretty much know for certain how I'm gonna arrange things. Most importantly, and by far the biggest project, I want to take out the inadequate laminate cabinet and replace it with floating shelves that go all the way across the alcove where the toilet is. And if I survive all of that, I want to replace the fixtures in the sink--because gold. Just...NO.

In the meantime, please enjoy these pictures of my fly 80s era bathroom.

Note the exciting tile that no matter how I try to bleach, remains distressingly grayed in the grout area. The shower door that opens outward (it's behind the curtain on account of being ugly), but only halfway because it hits the storage tower. The toilet that is not even centered in it's little potty alcove. The de-silvering of the mirror which even the Vineyard Vines whale sticker can't make cute. Sad, sad little bathroom. You will be conquered.

The opposite of doing things.

A friend posted as a Facebook status on Friday something along the lines of this "When people ask me what I'm doing this weekend and I say 'Nothing.' They immediately start suggesting things I could do and I say, 'You don't understand. My plans are to actually do nothing."

Seriously. This is the first time in at LEAST four weekends that I have been pretty much completely booked on a weekend. Granted, I have a rehearsal tomorrow night for Shrek, which opens in a couple of weeks, but other than that...nothing. And here's the thing: I am a-okay with that. It's not that I don't like to do things, because I really, really do. But sometimes, not having things is okay, too. I mean, over the last three weekends, I've had performances of Into the Woods, Shrek rehearsals, the MS Walk in Philadelphia, Mother's Day, Easter (okay that was four weekends ago) which was combined with the first tech rehearsal for ITW, plus in the last two weeks, Charlie finally had his big "I am no longer a man" surgery, which meant extra time dealing with doggy stuff and three out of three cars have needed trips for their check-ups and none of this includes the MAJOR work that's been happening around here--including replacing all the wood railings and benches on the deck, repainting two of the bathrooms, major landscaping stuff and an unexpected visit from the piano tuner. And not long before all of THAT was a trip to Walt Disney World and getting ready for a major work related thing that happened while I was at WDW. So a weekend where I didn't have to do anything specific until 4 p.m. on Sunday? Right up my alley.

The problem is that my friend had a point. People cannot STAND the fact that you don't want to do things. Someone I know came by the house to pick something up and said, "What are you doing tonight?" And when I said, "I'm staying in and not doing anything"--which technically, means, "I'm CONTINUING to stay in and do some stuff that allows me to not have to change out of an old sorority t-shirt and yoga pants while halfway watching Return of the Jedi for something like the third time in two weeks, mainly because that's the DVD in the player and I don't feel like changing it." Her knee-jerk response was, "Oh, you should go out." And I know that she's the sweetest person alive and she certainly means well, but, my Lord...no.

Now there are some salient facts that go along with my "doing nothing" statement. First, starting on Thursday night I plowed through the ENORMOUS pile of laundry that had accumulated and found that the sweater that I thought I had left at some theater/rehearsal facility or the other never to be seen again was actually just hidden in said gargantuan laundry pile. Second, I managed to completely pack up my fall/winter clothes and get out ALL of my spring/summer wardrobe--a process that had been happening in drips and drabs for the last month and a half. Also, I collected a garbage bag of stuff to donate to Goodwill. Organized the in-season clothes including going through the 2 tubs labeled "Size 2 and small 4", which still doesn't fit, although it's getting closer, and sorted them so that all the shorts/skirts/dresses or whatever are folded and together. I left the house this evening for the first time in 24+ hours to make a Starbucks run and I also ran in ShopRite and made a salad at the salad bar. I talked to my parents on the phone. So, in truth, I did stuff. But it wasn't like I had anything where I said, "I'm going to go through these boxes at 9 a.m. and iron these things at 10:30." In fact, I kind of drifted from project to project working on one for a while and then another for another while. And since I didn't feel pressured to finish anything by X hour, I really accomplished WAY more than I expected.

I even had an organizational miracle! When I was in the storage room, I opened this box which had a bunch of my miscellaneous stuff in it--some picture frames I got to put Disney pictures in (from my trip in 2011, not the two since then), some travel mugs, a few of my nice reusable shopping bags--and since I usually just skim past that particular plastic box, I figured in for a penny, in for a pound and I took it out and realized the box UNDER it which I thought was not MY stuff, actually was. It filled with t-shirts that I have but don't wear--you know the kind? The ones that you SWEAR you're making into a t-shirt quilt, but keep shoving somewhere, because in real life you, OBVIOUSLY, don't have time for that kind of craziness? Anyway, I decided to pull that out, too, because I had a few more shirts to add in and lo, here cometh the miracle. I have spent the last two years looking for several pairs of pants that had gone missing. These are some of my favorites--loose, linen-y cargo-esque pants, some from Target and one from Anthropologie--and last summer, I finally decided that they must have gotten mixed in with stuff that I gave away and made my peace with it. When in truth, what had happened was I was an unorganized mess who started to put them up after my Fall '11 Disney trip and ended up with them in the bottom of the box while I threw a bunch of t-shirts on top of them.

So while I wasn't technically doing things (there were several specific things I could have done), I was doing things.

And you know what? I feel better. I think that I didn't realize HOW MUCH I needed a mental health day, as it were. I don't even know if it's a mental health day. I don't THINK that I've been stressed (although it's entirely possible. I'm usually pretty bad at recognizing these things, at least in myself.). Maybe what I needed was a minor life reboot. You know how when an electronic-type thing is going wonky and you turn it off, count to 30 and when you turn it back on, it's working fine again? Maybe today and the bulk of tomorrow are the 30 seconds where nothing happens and everything works better afterwards.

I know that at 4 tomorrow, the world of rehearsing starts back. And I know that at 7:30 on Monday morning, I have to be at an appointment for work. But the approximately 48 hours of no commitments that have happened makes it seem not that bad.

Cookin' Tuesday--Laissez les bon temps rouler

You know that aisle in the grocery store that has all kinds of cool ethnic food? Okay, admittedly, if you're from the Deep South, it's entirely possible that that particular section of your store is, like the one in my hometown, a few shelves of Goya products, some taco sauce and shells and maybe, chicken chow main in a can. Well…maybe it's not THAT bad, but it's nothing like the array of products in the "International" aisle at my local ShopRite. And I'm not even including the fact that there's an entire aisle devoted exclusively to kosher foods. I'm talking about an entire aisle, dedicated on both sides to many different varieties of Asian and Indian food. Mexican--and not just taco shells. OTHER Hispanic foods. Caribbean. There's a section of BRITISH stuff. And I think all of that is amazing because it has at times allowed me to cook any number of things without to five different specialty stores in order to make the recipe.

What ShopRite DOESN'T have--in fact, what NO stores here have--is a SOUTHERN section. I'm thinking of petitioning for one. I mean, it doesn't have to have a lot: Dale's Steak Sauce, Yellow Label Syrup, filé powder, maybe some Grapico. Just the basics, ya know? This thought came to me as I was scouring the store today, attempting to find the ingredients to make jambalaya. Most of it was easy. Some of it they flat out didn't have. And by "some of it", I mean the damn filé powder. It's entirely possible that there WAS some somewhere in that huge store, but I sure as hell couldn't find it and the one person I asked looked at me like I was speaking Alien. If you don't know, filé powder is used as a thickening agent in jambalaya and gumbo and all kinds of Louisiana-type dishes. It's made from ground sassafras leaves. Which meant that I had to then go in search of a SUBSTITUTE thickening agent. Which CAN be cornstarch dissolved in water, but for something as spicy as jambalaya I think that dilutes the flavor. So that meant a second search for a legit Cajun/Creole thickener which means okra and of COURSE, they didn't have fresh so I had to go on some kind of Indiana Jones-quest for the frozen (they also had CANNED, the thought of which makes me vomit). Anyway, the recipe I had looked over--I wasn't really going to USE it. Just get started with it, which is often how I roll when cooking, rather than baking--called for the powder and chicken and Andouille sausage (which, randomly, the totally had right in there with the Italian sausage). I also put in shrimp and okra. Because…New Jersey. And it's Mardi Gras, y'all. You HAVE to have something fun and New Orleans-y (or pancakes). It's like a LAW.

Hence:

Everything and the Kitchen Sink New Jersey Mardi Gras Jambalaya





About 1 lb of chicken breast cut into 1 inch chunks
About 1 lb of peeled, raw shrimp
About 3/4 lb of Andouille sausage cut into circles
One package of frozen okra
1 onion chopped
1 green bell pepper chopped
3-4 stalks of celery chopped
One large can of crushed tomatoes (I used the 1 lb, 12 oz size)
2 cups of chicken broth or stock (I use low sodium organic)
Creole seasoning
Cayenne pepper
Tabasco sauce
salt
pepper
Worcestershire sauce
water
garlic (I used the jarred, already diced, because I'm lazy, but about 2-3 cloves)
cooking oil (I used peanut oil)
2 cups of Minute Rice (You could use "real" rice.)

--Sprinkle chicken with Cajun seasoning. Heat 1-2 Tbs of oil in a large, heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven. Cook chicken through and remove from pot. Cook sausage rounds the same way and remove.
--Add celery, onion, bell pepper and garlic to empty pot and sauté until tender, stirring regularly.
--Add can of crushed tomatoes, salt, pepper, Cayenne, Tabasco and Worcestershire. All of the spices and sauces can be added as to your personal taste. Stir. Add shrimp and okra and about half a cup of water. Stir. Cook for about 10 minutes or until shrimp starts to turn pink.
--Add Minute Rice and chicken broth (I said two cups of each, but really you could do less or more depending on how much rice you want in it. I used Minute Rice, because it was quicker and it's easy to measure how much liquid because it's always in equal parts with the amount of rice). Turn up the heat and bring the entire mixture to a boil. Immediately remove entire pot from heat and let it sit for about ten minutes.

This should serve 10-12 people if they are average-portion eaters. The shrimp/chicken/sausage/okra part is flexible according to tastes and allergies. You could also leave the meat out altogether and have a vegetarian dish, especially if you subbed in zucchini for your meat. If you don't want the okra you can use about a Tbs of filé powder if you can find it.

Great served with crusty French bread and a green salad. Tastes even better the next day after the flavors have melded!

Walt Disney World Wednesday--The Ten Basic Pieces of Disney Advice

Last week, I was talking to a good friend, who, like me, participated in the Walt Disney World College Program, and who is actually doing the program again right now as a grad student. In last go 'round he had a job where he had much less face to face guest interaction, but this time his guest interaction is pretty much constant, so the other day, we were talking about the unbelievably hilarious questions one is asked as a Disney Cast Member. It's the first time he's experiencing these questions in bulk and the job he has, which is the same one I had on my second College Program is one where you have TONS of questions asked of you. We were laughing because, as he said, "so many of them are doing it WRONG." (Said opinion created when someone asked him "So, how long does it take to do this?" "This" being an entire theme park.) We kind of joked about how we should write a book, but then when I started really thinking about it, I realized HOW MUCH Disney vacation advice I give--I've already helped two people this week!--and I realized that I'm spending an awful lot of time on Facebook messaging saying the same basics over and over.

I've also realized that the best way to insure that I write in my blog is to give myself specific, scheduled tasks. Thus, henceforth, in these parts, Wednesdays are Walt Disney World Wednesdays. You've got two dedicated advice-givers and LOTS of others who are planning on chiming in from time to time. We don't promise that we know EVERYTHING. But we'll do our best to find things out if we don't. We have tons of practical experience and suggestions. And we're pretty funny. So there's always that. To start out, I decided that I'm going to give the ten basic pieces of overall advice that I think are the most important. (We'll get to specifics on resorts, restaurants, attractions, etc. later, although if you have a question about any of that, feel free to ask in the comments and we'll hook you up real nice).

#1 Stay On Property: This means staying at one of the Disney resorts within the confines of the 27 square miles or property that make up Walt Disney World. The Hilton on Hotel Plaza Boulevard counts in a pinch because its guests get Magic Hours privileges (but not the others I'm going to mention). Why stay at one of the Disney resorts, rather than in Kissimmee where you might find something a little cheaper? Well, it's easy, for one thing. And if you're paying for parking every day, it might turn out that staying at Disney is cheaper. It doesn't have to be terribly pricey (although it certainly can be, if you want it!). You can take part in Extra Magic Hours, in which select Disney parks are open an hour early or two hours late for Disney resort guests, and you can take part in the Disney Dining Plan (more on that later). Did I mention that it's easy? Disney transportation is a wonder. Sure, there are the occasional glitches, but as my friend, Justin, said while we were having dinner the other night, "You 10 ten minutes for a bus. MAYBE 15." There's also the Magical Express, so if you're flying into Orlando International, they take you to your resort and then back to the airport. All of this transportation? Free. Excellent guest services at your fingertips. Fabulous pools with great activities for the kids (like movie nights!) and plenty of places that have meals or snacks or adult libations. I can probably counter pretty much any argument someone comes up with as to why they should stay off-property. Of all the advice I have, this may be the most hard and fast rule.

#2 Get the Park Hopper Upgrade--This upgrade (currently,on a 7-day ticket it ups it from about $355 to $408, on a 5-day from $323 to $387, just for examples) means that you can change theme parks during the day and it won't use another day's admission. I have a friend who just told me that her family didn't get it for their upcoming trip because of the way Fast Passes are working now that MyMagic+ is fully integrated. I thought about what she said and it still doesn't change MY mind. Her thought was that with only three FPs per day, all within one park, there's no point in changing parks. My thought is that my worst nightmare is being stuck in a park that unexpectedly is slammed (it happens, no matter what those projected crowd websites tell you). It also means that every single day must be planned to accommodate your scheduled FPs AND in-park ADR (Advance Dining Reservations), so if you make your ADR 6 months out and then you can get the much-coveted Be Our Guest dinner reservation on a day when the MK is, for whatever reason, packed to the gills, it means that you can't go to Epcot until 4 and then head to the MK. It's at the upper end, 10 dollars a day per ticket and I can almost guarantee that at one point in your visit, it will be worth the entire $50 or so you spent on it.

#3 At Least Consider the Dining Plan--I've heard people say that they don't do it because they have a picky eater off-spring. Or they don't want to be "controlled" by having dining reservations while they're there. Or they don't really want to waste time on full service meals. All valid points. That said, if you have ONE picky eater amongst your kids, then I'm pretty sure that what the adults in the party get for what they're paying makes up for what you lose on the kid. Also, Disney restaurants are pretty good about accommodating (I knew someone who's 4 year old ate buttered pasta at every restaurant in WDW). If you don't want to feel trapped into being at a certain place at a certain time by restaurant reservations or waste park time eating, there's a meal plan that covers just counter service restaurants. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's worth running some numbers on it.

#4 Get A Guidebook--The various Birnbaum's are great and I get a new one every couple of years. Fodor's Walt Disney World with Kids is good, too. But the absolute gold standard of Disney guidebooks, is, in my opinion, Bob Sehlinger's Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World. I have never gotten a new one and not found out something I didn't know about WDW. It's an entertaining read, to boot. In any event, get a book. It helps you orient yourself at the very least.

#5 Make Some Plans...--I like to at least sketch out a plan. I've done this tons of times and could probably navigate it going in cold. That said, when I know the dates of my trip I make a chart of the Magic Hours during those dates so I can get an idea of how to approach dining reservations, which you can make 180 days in advance (+10 more for resort guests so you can make all of your reservations at once and not have to call 180 days from each of your days). You can also check pretty far out to see what's going to be closed for rehab. You can check crowd predictor calendars on any number of websites (just Google "Disney Crowd Predictor" and you'll get a bunch) which can help you plan where you want to go. If there's a reservation you couldn't get, a good day to call is 45 out from your trip--reservations must be paid in full by then so if someone's booked a vacation and changed plans, their reservations might turn up then!)

#6 …But Be Flexible--Don't make some elaborate schedule and then make yourself miserable trying to follow it. If the place you planned to be is too crowded and it won't interfere with your dining or FastPass? Go to another park! If there's some restaurant you're DYING to go to and you couldn't get a reservation? Go up to the podium and ask on the day you're at that park! (And then if you're on a dining plan, you can cancel one of your later reservations as long as you do it 24 hours out.) If you're absolutely wiped out, go back to the hotel and take a one hour power nap…you may lose a total of three hours in transit and nap and getting yourself back together, but you'll feel better and navigate the parks more easily and you'll just enjoy it more! Also…you've probably planned for it to be 75 degrees and sunny. It won't be. It will rain at least once and as everyone pours out of the park, you stay, because punking out because of rain is for wusses. And the lines will be short!

#7 Get There Early--If the park opens at 8 (with Magic Hours), get there at 7:45. That means you want to be at the bus stop at your hotel by 7:15. There will be a lot of people there right at opening, but it's nothing like peak entry hour which is almost always between 11 and noon. The other bonus is that you're there for the rope drop which is fun to watch and at the Magic Kingdom there's the opening show which is just adorable and fun.

#8 Do All The Night Stuff--That means you need to see The Main Street Electrical Parade and Wishes at The Magic Kingdom, the Electrical Water Pageant which you can see from the beaches at all three monorail hotels, Disney's Wilderness Lodge and Disney's Fort Wilderness Resort and Campground, Illuminations at Epcot, and Fantasmic at Disney's Hollywood Studios. And here's the thing…Main Street at the Magic Kingdom stays open an hour past park closing, so if you stay until the end, you can hang out there for a while so that the bus/monorail crowds die down.

#9 Travel Light--This is for both the stuff you take with you there and the stuff you take with you into the park when you get there. I'm getting better about not taking too many clothes, and last time I took in a small purse that held my phone (used it as my only camera) room key and credit cards and a little cash. It was sublime. As for the things you take on the trip--a rain jacket and comfortable shoes are your friend--at least two pairs in case one gets wet--but a lot of the things you think you MUST have with you…probably you don't.

#10 Be Nice--To other guests. To Cast Members. Just…be nice. Talk to people. Make friends. By the time I got on WDW property via Magical Express last time, I had made friends with half the bus. Other guests sometimes have good stories. And talk to the Cast Members. You'll make their day and maybe get some good tips or perks. Being nice is a good idea all the time, but it's the BEST idea when you're there. And if there's some problem or something's going wrong…tell a Cast Member! Politely tell them, but tell them. They want you to have the BEST time and will do everything they can to make it happen!!

Middle of February Resolutions

I think I've figured something out, guys. You see, if you watch the various morning shows--Hoda and Kathie Lee, The View, etc.--during the week between Christmas and the new year, then at some point you're going to see a segment on New Year's resolutions. And how most of them fail. And they'll tell you that they fail because people make these grandiose plans that they're NEVER gonna be able to follow through on and then they'll tell you that by the end of January, gym attendance (or whatever) is back to normal, and all of that.

Now, to some extent, I think that they are right. A New Year's resolution is kind of like Lent and one very important thing I learned about Lent came from The Story of the Trapp Family Singers which is the book on which The Sound of Music was based and that is this: Maria tells the story of the approach of one Lenten season where one of the many children has this ENORMOUS list of Lenten promises and sacrifices, but she explains to the child that while it's a noble goal, it's really better to make ONE goal that really means something and stick to it. But while I do think that making a million part New Year's resolution with hard and fast goals is a problem when it comes to sticking to your guns, I also think that there's the issue of timing. At least for me. I mean, think about it…obviously, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is one of the busiest months in most peoples' year. Even if you're not traditionally celebrating the holidays, it's still a pretty good bet that there are parties and events to which you're invited by those who are celebrating. And then there's work. First of all, in most jobs, you can expect to miss at least a day or two of normal work to the holiday, so you're playing catch up after the holidays or working more than usual to try to get everything end before the end of the year. Or you're in retail or some other service industry so you're working twice as much as usual. The point is, that there are very few jobs out there where the holidays or the immediate aftermath are ideal for making any kind of plan that involves extra work, extra time, or really, extra ANYTHING. And so what do most of us do? Well, right as we're coming back to work with everything swinging back into full steam ahead, we heap upon ourselves a whole new set of goals.

Take me for example: Look, if there was ever a time that made me realize that John Lennon was 100% correct when he said "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.", it was the span of time between Thanksgiving and now. By the weekend after Thanksgiving, which was exceptionally late this year, thus making holiday shopping and prep more fraught than usual, I was on the final weekend of performances of the second of what were essentially back-to-back shows. That lead into to holiday parties and then, going to my parents' for Christmas several days earlier than usual to be in a friend's wedding. Then there were the holiday commitments--with my parents, with the other parts of the family, with friends. Tragically, this was combined with the funerals of two family friends who happened to pass away while I was home and then, I got stuck in Alabama for two extra days because of the weather and ended up only getting back to New Jersey because I was willing to take a 5 a.m. flight. Back here it's been auditions, first rehearsal and costume work for Shrek which goes up in May--that's right, I'm performing AND helping with costumes. Production work for Master Class, of which I'm the producer and which opens in two days. All of this, of course, has been coupled with THE WORST weather I've ever seen in my nine winters in the north, including I don't know how many days of snow, three of which had the added bonus of no power.

Seriously, I had a day when I looked down at the date in the tool bar of my computer and realized that we were a day out from my mom's birthday and thought, "Wait…how the HELL did we get to February??!?!" I know that the old adage is that time that seems to creep when you're a child suddenly starts to fly when you're an adult, and not have the last couple of years made me believe it. Which is why I decided that the date I would set for my resolutions, while not necessarily arbitrary, would certainly not be this year, and if I have my way, never again be, January 1. I picked Valentine's Day because it's easy enough to remember. Also because in a normal year when there's not some sort of The Day After Tomorrow winter apocalypse going down, it's time enough to let the insanity settle and me to be able to focus. I also decided that, although I'm putting ten things on my list, none of them are "I will do Task X on Day X at Time X and I WILL NEVER EVER MISS." Instead, I'm using these more as "Get my shit together" guidelines. Hence:

1. I will be consciously kind. Meaning that instead of being visibly and constantly aggravated by slow old people in a grocery store, or little kids barreling into me as I walk through the mall, or stupid questions, or messing up my order at the drive-thru, I will remember that someday I'll be an old person, and I used to be a kid--so there's a better than fair chance that I will either be that person or have been that person and will do or have done the same things. I will remember that I have definitely asked a stupid question (yes, there ARE stupid questions) because I wasn't paying attention or just didn't understand. I will remember that I once worked in a really high stress food service environment and that it's harder than it looks and no one gets it right all the time. In other words, I will try to be understanding and patient.

2. I will stop trying to find excuses as to why I can't do things. And by "things" I mean social and fun things as well as responsibility things. Like theater board meetings--of which I'm two for two so far. Instead of thinking about how I'm really tired and just want to put on PJs and read a book and send an email saying I feel like crap, I will take a 30 minute nap and get my butt out the door. If someone asks me to go to a party or dinner with friends or brunch in the city, instead of thinking of all the reasons I can't do it, I'll think about how I can rearrange things so I CAN.

3. I will remember that I used to do things on my own rather than letting things pass by me because no one was available to do them with me. I realized when the Oscar noms happened that I had seen exactly NONE of the films nominated for Best Picture. A quick perusal of the lists back through the years made me see that this was the first time since 1986 that I hadn't seen ANY of them. And the reason I hadn't? Well, I never have anyone to got with me to the movies. What is THAT? I used to LOVE going alone. Especially to the first matinee on a Saturday morning. I can go to art museums and Tour of Homes and plays and the symphony. And here's the thing…I can do them by myself.

4. In a related goal, I won't feel like I HAVE to do everything. While I'm pretty terrible about making excuses when there's a social thing ("Hey let's all go grab drinks after Event X" and all I can think is how I can get home to my couch), I have become this person who absolutely feels compelled to go see every friend in every show, concert, musical performance, etc. that they ever do. I have a really good friend who told me that he and his wife, also a really good friend, had once been told by ANOTHER mutual friend that you reach a point where you realize that if you see every friend you know who's ever in a show, that will turn out to be all that you ever do. You spend every Friday and Saturday night and Sunday afternoon in a theater watching shows which are often shows that you don't even want to see. I understand when people can't come to see me in something, so it's reasonable to assume the reverse. I will make sure I give them every best wish and good vibe and if it's something I want to see and I can, I will do it.

5. I will try to exercise three times a week, even if that means I do the "10 Minute Ab" DVD on three days. I WANT to do more involved work outs, but if I can't, then 10 minutes it is.

6. I WON'T diet. But I will attempt to be conscious of what I eat and will try to make good choices. Sometimes life makes eating right hard. And I have to accept that and not think that since I had to eat a sandwich at 10 p.m., I might as well throw all the good work away and eat what I want for the next three days before starting over.

7. I will dress in regular, human clothes five days a week, barring unforeseen circumstances. I don't care which five I choose to do it, but it's gonna happen (hey--I'm already two clothed days on the books and it's only Tuesday). I've gotten into the WORST habit of throwing on yoga pants most days. And I have WAY too many cute clothes for that to happen.

8. I will read something at least once a week. I will write something at least once a week, even if it's a paragraph no one ever sees.

9. I hope pick at least one "project"--a closet organizing, a shelf clean out, a furniture painting--a week and I will check off that box. If I'm in the middle of a busy week, then it's okay for it to be cleaning out one bathroom drawer. But I will get something done.

10. I will try to do new things. I sit around and think of all the cool things I want to do--I want to go hiking/camping. I want to run a 5K. I want to take a pastry class.--and I end up doing nothing. I want to make myself do the things I dream about. And I have some BIG dreams. But really, if I'm too scared or lazy to do the small ones, how can I expect the big ones to ever happen? I'm on it.

Okay, so there it is. I won't freak out if I mess them up. Because let's be real--I'm gonna mess this shit up all over the place. But I've written it down. It's real. And I'm doing my damnedest to make it happen.

Batman, Hannah Montana and Me--I am about to have an unpopular opinion or two

Obviously, if you're not residing in Underarockville, then you are aware of two things: First, that last week one Benjamin Affleck was cast as Batman in the forthcoming Batman vs. Superman and second, that Miley Cyrus performed at the Video Music Awards last night.

As for the first. Holy shit, y'all...can you all just chill out for a few? I am only an amateur superhero fan. I know, outside of the various superhero films, a mere smattering. I've never sat down and straight up read a comic book (although I kind of want to read the new X-Files ones). So, the absolute fervor with which comic fans approach the film versions is outside the realm of my experience, but not beyond the realm of my understanding, because believe me when I say that I would be invested in the casting of the new Star Wars is an understatement. And to some degree, different, because beyond the Big 3, they're casting new characters. And Batman, well, he's a known quantity? But I think my problem with everyone's hyperbolic and hypercritical reaction is this...what exactly IS that quantity. I mean, obviously, the Batman/Bruce Wayne of the last decade is the extremely dark Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale creation. But it's not like there aren't any number of other versions. From the ultra-campy Adam West series of the 1960s through the three actors who inhabited the role in the late 80s and through the 90s, beginning with Michael Keaton in the Tim Burton-helmed Batman, which was dark, but weird dark, not DARK dark, in 1989 and then on to Bale. There are, in fact, different kinds of Batman. Or at least subtly different flavors.

And thus far, the only answers I've been able to glean as to what's wrong with Ben Affleck as Batman: "Daredevil sucked." Oh, yes. Yes, it did. It was awful. But it didn't fail because of Ben Affleck. It failed because it was a horribly written, hot mess of a movie. "Ben Affleck has a Boston accent." Yeah, except when he doesn't. Off the top of my head, I can name two completely non-Boston accents he's done, not to mention there are any number of roles where he's done Standard American. "He's just not Batman." Okay, how do we know that? Prior to his gig as the Caped Crusader, Michael Keaton's most famous roles were goofy, slap-sticky comedy--Mr. Mom, Gung Ho--or weird histrionic, albeit dark comedy like Beetlejuice, which may have led one to believe that he could play the Joker or the Riddler, but certainly not the Dark Knight. And I know that Christian Bale is super serious actor man. And I respect that. (I'm also a little terrified of the whole immersion in the character style of acting that he--and for that matter Heath Ledger--brought to this, because I think it's weird and in Ledger's case, dangerous. Method acting. It freaks me out, y'all.). But honestly, before his Batman run, I knew Bale from pretty much these things: American Psycho, Little Women, oh...and this:



Yep. That's Batman right there. (I never get tired of this particular bit of film past. I think that someone should have the full time job of following Christian Bale around and every time he acts like a pretentious douche, they should play this full volume on their iPad and say, "What was that, Jack Kelly?)

Really, of the four guys who've played the part since 1989, they've all been pretty different and the only one who I can really say was awful is George Clooney and like the whole Daredevil deal, I'm not sure that it's that Batman & Robin brings the massive levels of suck in and of itself. Of course, my personal favorite is, "I just don't like him." Okay, well, I just don't like Christian Bale with the tantrums and the grandiloquence and just...well, everything. But my preference for the two Tim Burton films aside, I think he was really good in the role. Different certainly, from Keaton, but good.

ANYWAY...here's what I think. I think that Affleck's really quite an excellent actor. I think that his resume is pretty varied, and I think that's good. I respect that rather than stick with one single genre he's kind of bounced around. That's WHY I think he's good. And in that eclectic resume, he has some truly outstanding performances, Chasing Amy, Hollywoodland and Argo probably being my top 3. I think he's handsome. Obviously, all the guys '89 and forward who've played Batman have been good-looking men. Bale and Kilmer are dark and intense hot. Clooney is...well, he's George Clooney. But I think that Affleck is in the Keaton line of All-American handsome. It's a matter of taste, of course, but I would guess that the consensus would be that at the least he's a decent looking chap. I cannot possibly guarantee that he's going to be phenomenal in the part. But there's nothing about him that says to me that he's NOT going to be. Now, he could very well prove me wrong. He could be worse than Clooney. This movie could be worse than Batman & Robin AND Daredevil. I just don't think it will be.

That means I'mma need everyone to relax. 'Cause we don't know what's going to happen. And freaking out until 2015 over this isn't good for you. Also, the internet petitions to get rid of Affleck? It makes you look like an obsessed weirdo. (This is coming from someone who admitted yesterday, on Facebook where people can see, that she's read not one, but ALL of the Star Wars nerd novels).

Which brings me to the more immediate Hollywood-related meltdown. And that's the one over the Miley Cyrus mess at the VMAs. People, I want you to think about something. You are in a tizzy because you think a pop princess performed a tasteless and raunchy number. AT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS. Are you kidding me? Really....I feel like I"m being punk'd. Because the idea that people can actually claim shock at ANYTHING that happens at the VMAs is, at this juncture, ludicrous. If you're around my age, then I'm pretty sure that your first exposure to the VMAs, or at least the first that left a lasting impression was in 1984 and it was Madonna. In the wedding dress and the "Boy Toy" belt, writhing on the floor and humping the stage. Actually, I'm sure MANY of us, no matter our age, would start an answer to the question, "What's the most shocking thing you ever saw at the VMAs?" with "That time that Madonna..." (Or if you're a little younger, "That time that Britney...".).

So here are some truths: What Miley did was repulsive. But not for the reason you think. The reasons are these. First that there was absolutely no artistic merit to what happened on that stage. It was AWFUL. I mean really, really bad. Have you ever been to a truly heinous community theater production? You know, the kind where it's SO GODAWFUL that you cannot possibly look away because you might miss a millisecond of the horror. That's what it felt like. It wasn't music. It wasn't dance. It didn't have a message. It was completely incoherent. So there's that. But there was something that was even worse. It's something that I can understand intellectually, but cannot adequately express, so rather than just saying "It was racist and deliberately objectified women of color.", I'm going to direct you to this effing phenomenal piece which explains better than I ever could hope to do. Those are the reasons you should be offended by whatever the hell happened on Sunday night.

But that's not what 95% of the people who have gotten their knickers in a bind are talking about. What has pushed them all over the edge is the MORALITY. It's like America is Puritan Boston and Miley is Hester Prynne. She hasn't conformed to our beliefs and now she's gonna have to wear a big red letter. Or better yet, we'll make her have whole word "SLUT" tattooed on her forehead. Because that, to some extent, is what we're doing. We (general "we") are projecting OUR moral code on this young woman. We are slut shaming. And that is a practice that makes me absolutely LIVID. I have a friend, a really, really wise friend, who once told me that our morals shouldn't be delineated to us by society's expectations. He said that it's personal and that as long as it's not illegal or hurting someone else (hurting does not include offending their prissy-pants Puritanical sensibilities) it's a decision you have to make for yourself. Not one that you make for someone else or let someone else make for you.

I've also gotten a bunch of "Think of the children"-type arguments. THAT THE CHILDREN WATCHING IN THE LIVE AUDIENCE AND AT HOME ARE SCARRED. First, you have to be 16-or maybe 18--to attend that mess (if you're not some sort of Pinkett-Smith VIP). Second, I reiterate that panties, boobs, touching, foul language, simulated sexual activity and general weirdness are par for the VMA course. So if you're so damn worried about your Precious Sheltered Princess seeing that shit, then WHY are you letting them watch the VMAs in the first place?!? If you're worried about your own delicate, swooning self, then reach for the remote or dig your ass out of the couch cushions and change. the. channel. If the adults and almost adults in the audience want to be, as you say, "morally corrupted by watching PORN" well then that's our choice and I guess hell's awaiting. As for the related argument with regards to our darling bebes...and that argument is "But Miley Cyrus should be a role model." Uh, no. No she shouldn't. Let me give you some examples of role models: Helen Keller. Rosa Parks. Marie Curie. Pop stars and actresses, unless they are involved in some great philanthropic endeavor aren't role models. If they're good, by all means, aspire to be as talented a singer/actor/dancer, but they aren't guides as to the kind of person a kid wants to be. Some of them are awesome people, I'm sure. But conforming to a societal behavioral code isn't in Miley Cyrus's job description. If it ever was at all, her obligation to the youth of America as a role model ended the moment the Hannah Montana job did. If your kid is "tainted" by knowledge of the real life antics of their fave celeb, then you need to learn a sentence right now. That sentence is: "Different people have different expectations from themselves and their families about how they behave and at our house we don't behave like that." It's so easy.

And can we consider for a moment WHY Miley Cyrus did what she did? I don't think she's going off the rails a la LiLo or Amanda Bynes or even meltdown Britney. I don't think she's crazy. I think it's calculated (and also kind of brilliant, because the last thing you wanna be as a celebrity is the celebrity no one's talking about. So, you know, Miley? Mission accomplished.). Miley Cyrus spent years playing fresh-faced, slightly sassy Miley Stewart on Hannah Montana. And I think that because of that she was pigeon-holed into the "virgin" half of the FREAKING INSANE "virgin-whore" dichotomy that we, as a society, cling to so tightly. The minute she began to exhibit the barest HINT of her emerging sexuality (the prime example being her BARE BACK OMG THE SCANDAL in a Vanity Fair shoot when she was 15) everyone freaks right the hell out. Seriously. The pictures--taken by Annie Liebowitz, no less--showed NOTHING you wouldn't see in a bathing suit. Not a damn thing. And everyone goes to pieces to the point that she ended up apologizing and talking about how embarrassed she was. And everyone thinks that this is an a-okay message to send to both Miley and the young girls who knew about it? Being a little sexy IS NOT OKAY. SEX is not okay.

This girl is talented. I'm not a huge Miley fan or anything, but:



Holy shit! She's GOOD. But we didn't want even THAT. We wanted sugary, albeit annoyingly catchy, "Party in the USA". And I say this as an actor...she's not bad at that either. And despite the ranting of any number of people who don't know what they're talking about...she's not in the midst of some kind of Warholesque 15 minutes. At this point, she's had a career for something like a decade. So not so much a flash in the pan.


Everything that this girl has done that didn't comply with a rigid image--that of a perky, rah-rah Jesus, good girl--has been scrutinized, analyzed and criticized. Relentlessly. WE want her to be cute. WE want her to be sassy, but not too much. WE want her to wait for sex until she marries the boy next door. WE need to stop. Because in some ways WE made this.

We're the ones who think that it's, if not okay, then expected for Madonna, or Lady Gaga, or Britney/Christina to act like this. We're the ones who made sure that Miley knew that she couldn't. And misguided though that performance was (in more ways than one) we created the need in her to shock. We wouldn't let her grow at all. No bending of the mold for Miley. So she broke it. Loudly and forcefully.

Change of Pace: Outfits of the Week

Another blog I follow and love is Clarabelle. This girl is awesome and funny and she had Ah-Mah-Zing fashion sense and always take pictures in the CUTEST real people clothes. Plus, she always talks about stuff other than fashion, like how to be a good blogger--she has GREAT tips, y'all. And a while back she posted about how sometimes keeping up with cute outfit posts is stressful. To HER. Which made me think...I need to chillax about this. I mean, someone from real life asked me about the outfit posts and why I would do it for a while and then stop forever and a day and it kind of made me freak out and feel like the world's crappiest blogger. Because let's be serious--most people, even if they have a job where they have to look acceptable five days a week, are gonna have a day where they're like, "Oh, it's raining like a monsoon and a hurricane had a baby and the product was this storm and I can't possibly do anything more exciting that black pants and a white shirt today." Or if you're me, a day like that means, "I'm wearing yoga pants. If you're lucky I'll wear something fancier than an old sorority t-shirt. But don't hold your breath." And there are days that there's just SO much happening that I need to know that whatever I put on at 7 that morning is gonna work for me by the time I get to a dance rehearsal at 7 that night...so, you know, yoga pants. (To be fair to the pants, they're nice, Lulu Lemon yoga pants.)

I kind of was taking this attitude about blogging--especially when it came to the outfit posts--that if I did a post on Monday and then missed Tuesday, well, then the whole week was shot to hell and I had to wait and start over on the NEXT Monday. This is similar to the idea that I've always held about being on a diet--if you mess that sucker up in the middle of the week, then you should just eat what you want for the rest of the week and start over the next Monday. But then I had this thought...if you're going to blog about your life, whatever part of your life that might be, you don't have anything to blog about if you aren't doing anything except getting ready to blog. So if I'm taking an extra hour to get ready to take a picture--not that it would always take THAT long--and I'm only doing it to take the picture, well, that's a lot of pressure on me and it's wasting time that on that day, I just don't have. Thus, my conclusion is this: I'm going to take pictures on the days that I'm lookin' good (read that as "as good as possible under the circumstances"). And I'm not gonna stress that I take the pictures in a mirror with my phone and they don't look as awesome as other blogs, but if I have time, I'll experiment with doing it other ways--like with my real camera and tripod and timer. And if I have one picture at the end of the week that's cool and if I have six pictures at the end of the week--sometimes I do things on the weekends--that's cool, too. It is what it is, y'all. Which has kind of become my new life philosophy. About everything. So why not about blogging and what I wear, too?

Hence, this is the inaugural "Outfits of the Week." I only had two last week. And let's repeat to ourselves, "That's okay." I actually had a third day where I looked super-cute but the aforementioned hurricane-monsoon hybrid baby storm happened and I got absolutely SOAKED so that turned out to be a super-cute outfit, if one is into drowned rats.

First picture: Dress and sweater (Target); Shoes (Unisa from DSW-old); Necklace (Forever 21-old)
Second picture: Sweater (Target); Shirt (Elizabeth McKay-older); Jeans (AG from Anthropologie);Belt (Anthropologie-old); Shoes (same as above)

I don't know what's gotten into me this summer. I seem to be obsessed with orange/coral and what's more, with wearing it with navy. Which seems reasonable. Except that is some straight up Auburn colors. And I am dyed in the wool Alabama. It's just that the colors look so pretty together that I can't stop myself. I'll stop myself once football season rolls around, okay? If I had enough of these little knit dresses with a cardigan? Would wear that shit every single day. The problem is that cute little knit dresses shrink and they tend to shrink UP and I am completely paranoid about things being too short. And in my definition (at least at my age) "too short" is "anything where you can see more than the three inches above my knees." Which is why I'm wearing cuffed jeans and not shorts (like a normal human in summer) in the second picture. I'm so worried about my glaringly-white, vaguely-chunky legs. I have a good friend who (correctly) called me on my tendency to wear things that cover me completely and are sometimes too big. I can't deny it. I wear cardigans because I'm afraid my upper arms are fat. I won't show my legs. I don't like anything to be tight. I'm a mess, y'all. Plain and simple.

So, I guess we'll try it this way? See how it goes? I already have one in the bag this week so maybe this is gonna fly!

Because Paul C. said to do this...

This post is Molly and Paul's fault. Paul posted a link to an article about 16 unusual Walt Disney World facts on Facebook. However, the facts were (mostly) just flat-out wrong. Then Molly said that I could come up with 16 better ones. So, now I'm under pressure to come up with 16 facts that are both true and entertaining. So here goes...

1. That the buildings on Main Street, USA are built using forced perspective is pretty common knowledge. If you DON'T know this, what it means is that the first story of each building is of "regular" size. The second story is shorter than normal and the third is shorter still. This means that the buildings look much taller than they actually are. (This is also true of Cinderella Castle). Less known is that Main Street ITSELF is created with forced perspective. By making the street wider at the Town Square end and narrower at the castle end, it makes the walk up to the castle LOOK much longer. Conversely, when you're leaving at night and have tired feet, it looks like your walk is much shorter. This feeling is exacerbated by the fact that approaching the castle Main Street is on a very slight incline--so you're walking up a hill when you enter and down when you leave.

2. I like Main Street trivia so here's another one. The windows on Main Street are filled with names. Most people know that these names are people who are in some way important to the Walt Disney Company and especially to Walt Disney World. The "business" with which their name is paired is often a further nod to either the contribution they've made or to some personal interest they have or had. (My favorite is that of former Disney President, the late Frank Wells which is for Seven Summit Expeditions, a nod to his desire to scale the highest peak on each of the seven continents.) But there's a deeper meaning to the windows. The Magic Kingdom is a show. Main Street is like the opening credits. The train station, which hides everything behind it, it like a curtain. The windows are the credits. The last window you pass (and the only one that faces the castle) is Walter Elias Disney. Just like in a movie, the last credit at the beginning and the first one at the end is the director. This is also represented by the statue of Roy Disney (the "producer")in Town Square and Walt Disney (the "director") in the Hub.

3. Aaaaaaand another Main Street fact. The sidewalks on Main Street are a deep pinkish-red. There are two reasons for that. The first is relates back to the idea of a show: the sidewalks represent a red carpet. The second is that the Disney Imagineers and Kodak worked long and hard to discover an EXACT shade of red paint that, in pictures, makes the Florida sky look exceptionally blue on a sunny day.

4. Two of the monorail loop resorts are connected with moments in history that are, if not historically significant, then at the least, historically interesting. President Richard Nixon made the his famous "I am not a crook." statement to reporters while in the ballroom of the Contemporary Resort. Meanwhile, in a room at the Polynesian Resort, John Lennon received the voluminous legal paperwork necessary to officially dissolve The Beatles and signed it in his suite, thus ending The Beatles at the Polynesian.

5. The outlying buildings which contain the guest rooms at the Polynesian Resort are called longhouses, inspired by the similarly named dwellings in the South Pacific islands which thematically inspired the resort. The longhouses are named for South Pacific islands. In the late 1990s the buildings were renamed so that the way they are geographically laid out in the resort mirrors the way they are ACTUALLY laid out geographically in the South Pacific.

6. If you stayed in a different room at a Disney resort every night, you would be able to stay in every room currently on Walt Disney World property...in about 60 years.

7. When you are in Liberty Square, the architecture is indicative of the East Coast--the Hudson River Valley for the Haunted Mansion, a New England fishing village for Columbia Harbour House and colonial Philadelphia for the area around the Hall of Presidents. As you walk further and enter Frontierland it's like you are traveling deeper into the American West. The Diamond Horseshoe building is based on the architecture of St. Louis, MO during the heyday of its time as the jumping off point for thousands of American pioneers. The next set of buildings become more rustic--log buildings with wide plank floors--and finally Pecos Bill's Cafe is an adobe building representing the Spanish influence of the American Southwest with the buttes and mesas in Big Thunder Mountain Railroad being the silver mining boomtowns.

8. Almost of the buildings and streets in the Hollywood Boulevard and Sunset Boulevard areas of Disney's Hollywood Studios are based on real locations in and around Hollywood. Of course, geography and size have been fudged a little bit, but it's meant to evoke Hollywood, CA at a very specific point in time--1947.

9. At Disney's Animal Kingdom, the restrooms all have very large, reinforced outer doors with bolted locks. That's because in the EXTREMELY unlikely event that an animal escaped from one of the habitats, there's enough space in the bathrooms, theaters and restaurants for a capacity crowd at the park to be safely behind closed and locked doors.

10. The American Adventure building in World Showcase at Epcot is situated directly across from where you enter World Showcase, on the other side of the World Showcase Lagoon. Colonial buildings, like the those on which the American Adventure is based (it's not a specific one, but an homage to several buildings), were small, generally not more than two stories tall. A two-story building would be very insignificant from a long distance and almost completely hidden by the America Garden Theater. It would also be too small to accommodate the enormous theater where the animatronics are lowered from the stage and then moved on tracks and stored UNDER house of the theater while the other "actors" are performing AND which houses the largest rear-projection screen in the world. The Disney Imagineers employed REVERSE forced perspective on the American pavilion. It's actually five stories tall, but it only LOOKS two stories tall. It's built from more than 100,000 handcrafted Georgia red clay bricks.

11. Walt Disney World is the largest single site employer in the world, employing almost 70,000 cast members.

12. Disney horticulturists (of which there are more than 750) maintain a tree farm so that if a tree which is "onstage"--that's Disney for in a guest area--is damaged or sick, they can replace it with one that is almost an exact duplicate. They do this overnight. They can also completely change out the onstage flower beds, etc. This means that you can go on Monday and the Mickey floral is one set of colors and then go on Tuesday and it's completely different.

13. Since the day it opened on October 1, 1971, Walt Disney World's maingate parks have been completely closed--as in never opened at all--a total of three times. There had been days when the parks closed early due to weather (read that as a hurricane) and in 2002 there was a day when Epcot never opened because there was a power outage caused by a transformer fire overnight (although all the other three parks opened.) That said, in 1999, during Hurricane Floyd, for the first time in its 28 years of operation, the Disney theme parks ceased operations for a day. WDW also closed completely (although, obviously, resort guests weren't ousted into the storm) twice in a period of three weeks when Hurricanes Frances and Jeanne made almost identical landfalls causing significant damage in the Orlando area. On September 11, 2001, the Disney parks had already opened their gates--for a regular 9 a.m. rope drop, the turnstiles usually open at 8:30--when the first plane hit in New York. The public address system in Walt Disney World is the stuff of legends. It is almost NEVER used. That morning at 11 a.m. an announcement came over the public address system stating, "Due to circumstances beyond our control, all Disney parks are now closed." At that point Cast Members ushered all guests out of all shops and attractions and custodial Cast Members cleared and closed the restrooms. With all guests in the streets, Cast Members joined hands, forming human chains backed by Disney security and slowly walked to the front of the park herding the guests out in front of them. It took thirty minutes for all four parks to be completely cleared.

14. The only Disney theme park that has two gated entrances is Epcot. Most people use the main entrance at the front of Future World, but there is a second, much smaller set of turnstiles in World Showcase, between France and the United Kingdom. Boat transportation to Disney's Boardwalk Resort and Villas, the Yacht and Beach Clubs, the Swan and Dolphin (and eventually Disney's Hollywood Studios), as well as a walkway to and from the Boardwalk Resort are available.

15. The Streetmosphere performers at Walt Disney World are actors, particularly at the Magic Kingdom and Disney's Hollywood Studios, who interact with guests while remaining completely in character as various persons who are either Citizens of Main Street or Citizens of Hollywood. The Citizens of Hollywood have been around longer and, in fact have been a part of the experience in the park since it opened as Disney-MGM Studios in 1989. Kathryn Joosten, who is probably most known for playing President Jed Bartlet's secretary, Mrs. Landingham on The West Wing, was a later-in-life-getting-started actress. Her first acting job outside of community theater was as a Streetmosphere performer at the Studios when she was in her 50s.

16. Anything taller than 200 feet tall must, according to FAA regulations, display a blinking red light at it's highest point to alert low flying small aircraft. (There is, additionally, a no-fly zone that extends 3000 feet above and in a 3 mile radius from Cinderella Castle). Because Disney feels that a blinking light on top of the attractions would detract from the show, none of the attractions at WDW are taller than 199 feet--Tower of Terror and Expedition Everest are each 199 feet tall, the Castle is 189, Spaceship Earth is 180.

Sometimes, the 'Come to Jesus' you need to have is with yourself...

Since I am definitely (Disney-measured and confirmed) petite(ish), I can vouch for two facts. The first is that at my height--which is about 5'3 1/2"--every seven pounds of weight is equal to an entire clothing size. The second is that because of the first fact, I, like many ladies of shorter stature, have learned to dress so that no one can tell that I've changed an entire clothing size.

Or in the current case, TWO clothing sizes.

I think that it all started back in the fall. From last October until the first of May, I was constantly in rehearsal or production of a show. And sometimes the shows were overlapping. At the pinnacle I was juggling three shows--I was in production of the first while in rehearsal for two more which ran back to back over four consecutive weeks starting less than three weeks after the first one closed. And then I went to Walt Disney World for a week. If you've ever done theater then you know that while there is a good deal of working hard, there is also a greater deal of drinking, partying and eating weird things at weird times. And that's pretty much the definition of Walt Disney World--especially when you're on one of the meal plans where you feel like you're working under a theory of "Eat Everything That Doesn't Eat You First."

And that's not all. I have spent the a good portion of the last two years--starting in March of 2011--working twice a week with a trainer at the gym. And it just so happened that he was in grad school and started his student teaching in January and while I am REALLY glad for him, that meant that any motivation that I had to do...well, ANYTHING went right the hell out the window.

And here's the thing...between the shows and the trip and the new puppy I didn't realize that I was getting, shall we say, fluffier until we hit high summer. And I was trying to figure out why every single time I was getting ready in the morning, I was turning my entire bedroom into a federal disaster area. That is, if piles of discarded garments count as a federal disaster area. Which they should. You see, I was grabbing things that I LOVE to wear and then discovering that the pants were uncomfortably tight or that the shirt was gapping at the buttons and that outfit was going into a pile on the chair in the corner and staying there until after a couple of days I spent the half hour before bedtime hanging everything back up in the closet of folding it and sticking it back in the drawers.

Because here's the deal: If you HAVE gained weight, there's a certain part of your subconscious which probably doesn't wanted to cotton to this development. So there were things that I had taken out to put on several times. And several times it was too tight or wouldn't fasten or just looked weird and I somehow took it out again a week or three days later and surprise! It still isn't fitting correctly. And it's not like I'm going naked or anything like that. I have tons of clothes. I have WAY too many clothes, in fact. My penchant for sale rooms and racks and consignment shops and thrift stores has pretty much guaranteed that. And it took the proverbial straw and camel's back situation to bring this to a head.

I have this Lilly Pulitzer dress that I got two years ago. It is my FAVORITE dress. I usually get a couple of dresses at the big Lilly sale at the end of summer, but I also usually get ONE at the beginning of summer. At full-price. Full LILLY price. So it's nothing to sneeze at in terms of money. This particular dress is made of a patchwork of all the Lilly prints from that season on the bottom and the top is blue and white seersucker. I have worn this dress and worn it and then worn it some more. It has the honor of being the dress I wore for the first day of my 2011 Disney vacation, meaning that all of my pictures from Photopass in the Magic Kingdom are of that dress (and me in the dress). In any event, I took the dress out and put it on and...well, it was sort of hard to zip. This has never been an issue. Not even a little. I mean, this dress was SO not tight that I wore it once when I was taking a trip by airplane. I used it as a TRAVEL OUTFIT. And here I was trying to zip it and failing. And to be fair, I did eventually get it zipped. I even fastened the hook and eye at the top. And then I leaned over to put on shoes and the hook and eye pulled loose from the top of the zipper. And that, my friends, was the final straw.

I contemplated for a while. I've had a lot going on--the first couple of weeks of June were NUTS and then my parents visited for a week and my sister is doing a fellowship in NYC for the summer so she's been in and out and I've auditioned for and been cast in two shows (as a dancer in one, so, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!). And here's what I decided. That as long as all of those clothes that are too tight or gapping or look weird are in my closet, I'm going to pull them out and try them in the mornings. And the result is that I'm making a mess. And also since my closet is overcrowded as it is, I'm missing all of the things that DO fit me because after a little while I'm getting frustrated and going to the ironing/clean laundry pile and pulling something out of it and wearing the same damn things over and over. So last week, I went through every closet rack and every drawer and every single thing that I have that's too tight?

Is in "time-out". That's right. I have grounded myself from my clothes. I went to Target. I bought three big Rubbermaid tubs and if something was even a LITTLE bit out of my size range, it's in a tub. Now it's not like I locked the tubs in a tower far away. They're neatly stacked in the corner of the playroom, waiting. What's in those tubs? Every single one of my Lilly sheath dresses. All my Lilly shorts but one. My elephant pants from The Shirt Shop. My green gingham Nanette Lepore cocktail pants and shirt. All of my Ralph Lauren slimfit button downs. Y'all...it's a shit-ton of clothes.

And here's the thing...I am fully cognizant of the fact that any number of my favorite clothing pieces may not see the light of day this summer. And that's okay. If it motivates me to do something, well, then I consider this experiment a success.

Outfit of the Day--Tuesday May 14, 2013

Seriously, there was a point tonight where I was quietly sitting and watching/listening to the world happening around me and my only response was, "Surely this isn't real life. Because it's SO STUPID it simply has to be the universe in some manner PUNKING THE HELL OUT OF ME."

I'm not kidding. When the portion of your day that includes being at the car dealership service center before 9 a.m. is, by far, not the most unpleasant interaction you have with humanity? Humanity as a whole needs to reassess.

And that's not all...I took a picture of myself and was like, "Well, I look incredibly chunky." Plus, I have this thing. And that thing has to do with matching. See, a few years ago, I was obsessed, and I mean seriously obsessed with watching How Do I Look? and What Not to Wear. To the point that I would Tivo them if I was gonna miss. Now my being enamored of the former was about 90% to do with my utter adoration of the incomparable Finola Hughes, who was the host at the time, because having other people pick out your stuff seemed pointless. I wanted the poorly dressed people to LEARN. Which is why, Finola aside, What Not to Wear was actually a more useful show. Because one of the mantras repeated by Stacy about a jillion times was, "It doesn't have to MATCH, it just has to GO." Which, I really loved. I think part of it had to do with spending the majority of my life with girls who took making everything (including, at times, their offspring) match their outfit. And I always thought it looked silly and "trying to hard." So, when I got dressed today and realized that, although I really love the color combo of lime and coral (which in various shades is very "on trend" right now), every single accessory (except my purse which is the same as yesterday because I am notoriously lazy about changing purses) was lime green. And I though that maybe I looked like one of those match-matchy girls I despised and if I had kids I would have them all dressed in lime green (because kids=accessories).

And then...well, someone, in real life, tells me that I look really good. VALIDATION. That doesn't change the fact that I wear this dress so very rarely because it took me almost an entire episode of The Golden Girls to iron it yesterday. But still...it's nice to know that someone thinks you look good (even if there's chance he was just being really sweet when he said it.)



Jacket: Gap (old); Dress: Anthropologie (old); Shoes: gift from Mom who got them at a boutique in Alabama; Necklace: Anthropologie (old and from the sale room); Earrings: which you can't see but should know are tiny little lime green squares from Target (old)

Outfit of the Day--Monday May 16, 2013

So the percentage of my existence where I'm cold hovers somewhere around three-quarters of my life. I'm always cold. Al. ways. I spend 12 months a year watching television under a throw. It's a heated throw, although I don't always plug it in a crank it up--that's usually only about five months out of the year. Which is why I can't trust myself to judge temperatures outside. I mean, I'll be out in jeans and a sweater when other (I would assume normal) people are in shorts and sleeveless shirts.

Which is why I wasn't sure about yesterday's temperature situation. I'm always out with Charlie at 7 or a bit before and then I was in and out of the house all day until the last time I took him out at about 10 last night. And I kept thinking, "It's getting colder." Only, like I said, I CANNOT be trusted, so it's entirely possible that the temperature was only experiencing a normal day's fluctuation and I'm just a big freak of nature. Until I got up this morning and realized that it really WAS colder. To the tune of 45 degrees when I left the house for the first time at about 8 and saw the outdoor temperature when I cranked the car. It's May. It's the MIDDLE of May. And I saw people who weren't me out in quilted jackets this afternoon.

This is a pain in my ass. For one thing, it makes me feel a general sort of malaise. But mostly because it's hard to dress appropriately. It's not that I don't have clothes that are appropriately warm. I do. I have lots of them. But it FINALLY has started to feel like something approaching actual spring around here and we devolve into a string of days where the HIGH is something like 61. That's just wrong. I have a whole rack of Lilly Pulitzer that's sitting there waiting to be worn. And it's starting to feel neglected and sad. Instead, I wore this (because it kinda, sorta made me feel like spring):



Shirt and Skirt: Target (this spring); Sweater: Ralph Lauren outlet (old, but they always have similar); Necklace: Lord & Taylor; Boots: DSW (really old); Bag: Vineyard Vines (old, but again--they are a VV staple).

That Vineyard Vines tote? Y'all it's the greatest thing I've ever seen, heard or read about. It's goes with EVERYTHING. No really. It does. If it's an outfit that absolutely cannot be worn with my Frye boots and that tote. Well, then I don't want to KNOW that outfit.

Acute WDW Withdrawal Syndrome

Here's the thing...I either have bronchitis/asthma/allergies or whooping cough or my body is physically reacting to being removed from the Greater Walt Disney World Area.

It's true. On my second to last full day there, I woke up with a sore throat. On the last full day, I started with a tickly kind of cough. Which has, in the week that I've been home, developed into an actual full-on cough. Now granted, clean as it is, WDW has to be like a culture of germs. I mean, there's kids EVERYWHERE touching everything--I once saw my niece LICK a handrail in a queue--and there's no way you can wash your hands every single time you touch something, because if you did, you'd never get to ride anything or watch anything because all you'd ever do is wash your hands. Also, on the night before I woke up with a sore throat, we spent an hour sitting in the pouring rain waiting for Fantasmic which turned out not to happen. And it was COLD. Not just that night, but except for the first day we were there, pretty much the whole time. I had to buy a hoodie the night we watched Illuminations (where it also rained). I mean, I'm educated enough to know that, no matter WHAT my paternal grandmother used to insist, you can't actually GET a cold/cough/fever/flu from BEING cold. Although I don't think that it helps the situation when you've already managed to slurp up all the various germs that must lurk all over the Magic Kingdom.

Anyway, if you happen to encounter me in real life, I'm taking all kinds of meds. I'm not attempting to infect the general populace. I actually FEEL fine. And really, I don't think that it's possible for someone to CATCH Disney Ennui. At least not from person to person contact.

Outfit of the Day--Mother's Day 2013

I think that there's a general consensus among a lot of my friends that when I chose to major in history and English, it was a mistake. Not because I didn't love both of those things and not because I wasn't smart in both of those things. It's just that they think (and I tend not to disagree with them) that I really should have majored in fashion design and merchandising. As to why I didn't....well, that's a hard one. Part of it has to do with who I was when I was a tween/teen. Although I was often drawn to unique and one of a kind outfits, I was WAY to concerned with fitting in to actually wear any such thing. Oh, I had the occasional unique ensemble, but mostly I steadfastly clung to the idea that fitting in--at least with regards to my clothes--was a far better plan than standing out. To the point that it never even occurred to me that there was a whole world, a whole CAREER, where the PURPOSE was to look cool and cutting edge and maybe even help others do so as well.

That all being said, on the few occasions when I wanted to wear something different than everyone else, the lady who facilitated it was my mom. Which is one of the reasons that Mother's Day and today's outfit are a perfect platform for a reboot of a daily clothing post. Because like so many gals, my biggest fashion influence is my mom. This is a lady who facilitated my desire for: tweed knickers when I was seven, painted hair ribbons when I was nine, an entire new wardrobe when I was ten and started at a new school (even thought she knew the things I was buying were NOT my style at all and just my attempt to look mid-80s "cool"), wearing Keds without laces when I was twelve and a Rush wardrobe that was so awesome I STILL wear a couple of the dresses 20 years later. She has an uncanny ability to walk into a store that is TEEMING with customers and walk straight to the sales rack and find the most unique and spectacular piece on it. She taught me how to shop consignment and even better, how to shop thrift. If you can't find it in a store, she can probably make it (or knows how to find someone who can). I wish I had access to all of the family photo albums so I could show you her awesome clothes from the 60s and 70s. Alas, you'll just have to take my word for it.

What I wore today involves my mom, a consignment shop, her uncanny ability to find awesome stuff and a hilarious story.

Here's the deal with consignment shopping: There are consignment shops where you can tell they are super-selective about what they take to sell. There are consignment shops that have some truly amazing pieces, mixed in with rack after rack of relatively non-descript things from stores like The Gap. There are consignment stores where the staff is lovely and friendly. And there are consignment stores where the staff acts snootier than those ladies that snub Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. The one where I got the dress I'm wearing today is on the super-selective side--but not the toniest I've ever been to--and DEFINITELY on the snooty side.

Last summer, my mom and I were shopping there and she pulled out the dress. It's colors I don't usually wear--tan and yellow--mixed with a color a love--purple--but would never think meshed together. However, it turned out to be absolutely precious and I got it. The story, though, isn't about that. It's about the signs. This store has signs up that admonish you that if you try on clothes in sizes that are too small and you rip them or break the zipper, you'll have to pay for them. I first want to clarify that the dress I tried on was NOT too small. It was a size 8. I wear a size 4. I just wanted to see if the color, which I'm not naming to protect the innocent (because I feel sure that a store clerk from an unnamed shop is going to figure it out and hunt me down where I live, which is something like 10 states away. Or something like that.), would work and if it did, would it be possible to take the dress in. As it turns out the color was fine, but my Fashion Advisor (read: Mother) said that taking it in would be a chore because of embroidery issues. So, I go to take it off. Now, know that side zipper on dresses are the bane of my life. They are fussy and persnickety and tend to get stuck at the waist. Which this one did. Only usually, I can either zip it all the way down and start over (if I'm putting it ON) or zip it back up to the top and ease it down (if I'm undressing). Not this zipper. It. Was. Stuck. I don't mean that fabric was caught in the teeth or that it was hanging on the seam between the bodice and the skirt. I mean that this zipper REFUSED to move in either direction at about an inch above the waist. Now, since it was two sizes too big, I could move it around my waist to work on it. Nothing. And even two sizes too big in the waist wouldn't go over my chest and shoulders (to say nothing of my hips). Worse still? It was about 105 degrees outside and when I asked for a dressing room, Snotty Shop Girl languidly informed me that the air-conditioning in that section kept freezing up and stopping so it was really hot back there. And she wasn't kidding. Maybe...MAYBE on a February day when I wasn't sticking to my own clothing, I could have inched it over my head. But this was just impossible. So I called for reinforcement. And after ten minutes of working with the zipper and trying to get it over my head, my mother was like, "Okay...were going to have to pop the zipper off the teeth." And of course I freak out, because I don't want to have to pay for the dress and you could just TELL that the girls working were the kind who would love to call someone chubby and make them pay--whether it was there fault or not. And my mom, who is AWESOME, said, "Don't be crazy. You're not paying for it. This is a cheap plastic zipper. The dress isn't too tight. I'm going to take the toggle off the teeth. You're going to take it off. I'm going to take it back and hang it up. You are going to pay for the things you're buying. And that's the end of it." I know...it's awful. I should feel bad. But here's the thing...whoever bought that dress was going to have to replace the zipper. It wasn't a good quality and it was going to get stuck. I just helped in letting them know that BEFORE they bought the dress and took it home. There...that is my horrible person confession of the day.

In other news...
Dress:consigned; Sweater:Target (2009); Purse: Marley Lilly; Shoes: Target (now).

"All you need is a light jacket..."

Today is like the Energizer Bunny. Seriously. You know that first Christmas Eve where you're old enough to realize that Christmas is, in fact, TOMORROW, but still young enough to be really, honestly excited about Santa? Do you remember how long that day felt like it lasted? Well, that's how today was for me. I've been messing around, organizing a closet and whatnot and I honestly thought it was going to be one of those nights where I turn around and look at the clock and it's one-thirty in the morning and I have been oblivious to the passage of time. Nope. I turned around and it was eight o'clock. And the thing is, it's not because of something awesome or exciting that's happening tomorrow. It's just that today has lasted forever. What's more? I'm exhausted, but not sleepy (if that even makes sense.) That is the one part for which I may actually have an explanation. You see, Charlie the Wonder Puppy has, since his arrival, slept in his little black carry crate which I put next to my bed. The larger crates which we had gotten for him were just ridiculously large at first--he only weighed a hair under four pounds. That said, he's grown immensely in the span of just under two months that we've had him. And as such we are attempting to wean him to his permanent abode, which will be a comfy crate in the kitchen. Our first step was putting his carry crate into a bigger crate in my room. Which, on Monday night, morphed into putting the big crate with his smaller one inside it right outside my door. The first problem being that it got much lighter, much more quickly and he woke up at the absolute crack. Now, that, I mitigated by covering the crate(s) with a blanket. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm now like a mom with a small baby that's just moved from his bassinet to a crib of his own and I'm pretty sure that I've spent the last three nights sleeping with one ear open.

Charlie, on the other hand, has been sleeping BEAUTIFULLY. To the point that he's been an absolute wild man in the mornings. Hence the beginning of my day which was get up and do Charlie's business of potty and food. Then in the space of time that it took me to brush my teeth and retrieve the papers, he shredded his puppy pad, pooped on it, turned over his food bowl and scattered it everywhere AND dumped out his water bowl, which he mixed with the food and tramped all over his sleep mat. Which all had to be washed. Then I got myself ready, folded two loads of laundry,went to Starbucks for coffee for everyone and picked up B on campus so he could leave for an overnight trip. All of that was by 10 a.m. I dropped the travelers off at the Trenton train station, went to the cell phone place and got a new phone, went to the bank for money for the Crazy Polish-speaking Cleaning Ladies, fed Charlie his lunch and took him out to, as we say, "run out his heebie-jeebies", went to my voice lesson, ran to the mall to get a white shirt, fed and let Charlie heeby his jeeby again, made dinner and then worked out making some sense of the labyrinth that is my closet.

That said today is April the 25th, y'all. It's the perfect date! Miss Rhode Island says so...



And she wasn't kidding! I was outside. In normal clothes. WITHOUT BEING WRAPPED IN A BLANKET!!!

I even have proof:

That's my feet! In summer shoes. And Wonder Puppy in the background.

And then a nice lady in a sleigh drawn by wolves offered me some Turkish Delight...

It is cold, y'all. I mean, seriously. It's the 23rd of April. It's William Shakespeare's birthday. That is SPRING. Or at least, it should be. Because as of now, we've had only the tiniest handful of really nice spring days. And only a couple of times have any of them been consecutive. I am beginning to think that I am a) trapped in Narnia when the White Witch has made it perpetually winter and we're all waiting for Aslan; b)living in a world where winter lasts for decades a la Game of Thrones or c)Lilly Pulitzer was actually some sort of spring fairy who waved a wand every April and her death has left a vacancy in the Spring Fairy position.

First of all, I feel bad for our poor, confused flowers. It's like they don't know what to do with themselves. We had this one freaky warm day back in February and the daffodils along the driveway started to push up and then it's freezing, even SNOWING a few times, with a smattering of warm days thrown in (for flavor and excitement?). That's not anything, though, on my personal confusion...when the weather SHOULD have been about to turn warm, I pulled out all of my spring and summer clothes. I didn't unpack them, but they were there waiting. Now, I'll admit that part of that was because I needed to pull some things out of storage for use in Legally Blonde, but there my lovely pastels and seersuckers and white pants sat. Sadly bereft. Finally, I had to make the call and pack up the cold-weather stuff. Of course, that meant that I spent an hour outside with the puppy this afternoon wearing my flannel pajama pants, my parka (okay, so it's not really THAT cold. It was in the 40s. But it IS that cold when you're sitting still in a chair while the puppy races around the enclosed garden.) and a scowl. I've also spent time out there wrapped in a blanket, which may or may not, make me look like Crazy Lady.

So, c'mon Weather...I need you to get your shit together and get with the program. I would like to clean out the garage and straighten up the attic without having to dress like I'm about to participate in the Iditarod.