Dear European Tourists...

Welcome to New York City! Thank you for bringing your Euros to our floundering economy. Times Square is super-neato, right? And it's fun to see Broadway shows!!!! Now, while I can see that it's easy to confuse THIS:



With THIS:



The former is your quaint European village. The latter is 8th Avenue. Please note that we, the indigenous population, prefer to move at something slightly quicker than a leisurely stroll--you know, the kind with your hands in your pockets and a cigarette dangling from your lips--when traversing the latter. It's no big. In fact, if you absolutely must stroll, have at it. We'd just appreciate if you didn't do it five abreast. It makes us want to stab and punch. So enjoy America. AND WALK FASTER, NUMBNUTS.

Love,
The Populace of the Tri-State