Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dumb Dog

This is Gina:

Gina is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. That's the kind of dog that Charlotte had on Sex and the City. Gina spends the majority of her time sitting on the bottom shelf of the front hall table. Like this:

She likes it because she can see out the glass door. Which is convenient for her, since we keep the solid, view-blocking door open most of the time. But it's pretty inconvenient for the humans in her house. Because Gina seems convinced that this:

Is actually THIS:

That this:

Is actually THIS:

And that this:

Is actually THIS:


The result of which is that she goes to DefCon 1 about ten times a day. She barks at the school bus, joggers, bikers, cats, lightning bugs, jogging neighbors, walking neighbors, biking neighbors, neighbors riding in their strollers, the FedEx guy, any car that parks withing her viewing area, the mailman and usually ME when I go to the mailbox and come back. Because she's exactly that dumb. She watches me walk out the door and in the approximately 30 seconds it takes me to get to the mailbox and back, she forgets that I exist and begins barking maniacally until such time as I actually step onto the porch and she realizes, "I know this human. THIS IS ONE OF MY HUMANS! OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!!!"

So, yeah...not so much with the bright, that one. And in case you wonder, the things that have been utilized to get her to shut. the. hell. up. include, but are not limited to: time-outting her in her crate for five minutes, physically removing her from the area to another floor of the house, squirting her with a water gun, one of those ultrasonic thingies that you plug into the wall, clapping, snapping and hissing a la the Dog Whisperer. Nothing. Works.

So if you hear that I've snapped and completely gone loony toons, you'll know the reason--a very cute dog is a very big pain in the ass.

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