Reinventions

I am...relatively small. I mean, compared to most humans--at least American humans--I am pretty short and pretty slight. That said, I, like many people, have what I consider to be my maximum density. I talked to someone about this one time. "This" being that I am quite obviously, not obese. I wear a size 4 most of the time. Sometimes a 2. Occasionally a 6. And I was telling this friend how I had been talking about how I had started to edge up to the point where instead of taking a 2 and 4 to the dressing room to try, I was taking a 4 and 6. The person I was talking to (not the friend to whom I was telling the story about the talking) was...very offended. I know that I should be grateful that I am able to maintain a fairly constant weight when I eat the way I do much of the time. And I am. I'm glad that I came back from more than a week at Walt Disney World, where I ate like a 14-year old boy, weighing exactly two pounds heavier. Although when you are just 5'3", two pounds can mean an appreciable difference in how your clothes fit. And I get that if you are person who has struggled with weight that someone complaining about theirs when the biggest size they've ever worn is an 8 could be frustrating. But it's like K says..."You do you."

So here's me doing me. I am ten pounds heavier than the heaviest I like to be. Part of that, I know is that I've worked with a personal trainer for more than a year and have put on a huge amount of muscle. The problem is that the muscle is trapped under a small layer of...not muscle. I have freakishly huge calves which I like to say are a beautiful combination of pasty and doughy (I really am one of the whitest people I know). My back looks awesome. My backSIDE less so. My chest and shoulders definitely pass muster, but my upper arms are not as hot. As for my middle? I have core muscles for days. And if you press on the flabbiness that covers them, you can totally fee; that were the flab to melt away, I would have, if not a six-pack, then a fairly decent four-pack. The less said about my thighs the better.

And I feel kind of stuck. Like even if I work out like a fiend, I'm at one of those weird plateau places. And I'm not. moving. at. all. Which has been fine for the past few weeks. A little over a month ago, I went to my friend, Katie's wedding. I wore 4 inch heels. I drank like a fool (and that included the handy tequila shots that were passed at the cocktail hour). I did dance moves including, but not limited to, actual routines that I had learned in Zumba. And it was awesome and fun and I made it home unscathed. Of course, the next afternoon, I am walking straight, in flats, without a drink in sight and manage to sprain my ankle more severely than I have since the unfortunate Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Rehearsal Fall-Down Fail of 1998.

Which brings me to this. I have a friend (and one who knows what she's doing) who once told me that if you are someone who normally loses weight easily and quickly but you get to a plateau and no matter what you do, the weight's not going in either direction, then it's time for a cleanse. She used to do the Master Cleanse on occasion. I am going to try it. Of course, she was super healthy most of the time anyway and would just do it after the holidays to get herself readjusted. This means that she would go straight into the actual cleanse. And this is the thing where you drink water and lemon juice and cayenne pepper and molasses. Which sounds disgusting to me, but most people I know who've done it say it's really not that bad. Instead of going right to that, which would probably throw my poor system into a seizure, I am going to do the "Ease-in". I'm also not gonna cleanse for a month or anything crazy. Three days is the minimum. I think I'm gonna try five. We'll see. I'm not a fan of posting my weight or measurements. Although I do plan to take a picture and post it. A picture WHERE I AM WEARING A BATHING SUIT. So instead of post in weight and measurements, we'll say that today I weigh X pounds and my measurements are X inches. And from here on out, I'll call my weight (I hope) X-however much i've lost.

Tomorrow is fruits and vegetables only. Which sounds awesome. Until you know that they have to be raw. Which I don't necessarily hate. But that's a lot of raw vegetables and fruits with NOTHING on them. And here's the kicker...no caffeine. Only water and herbal tea. Yeah, it's entirely possible that I lose my mind completely.

Weird. Life is weird. And also chaotic.

I said it earlier this month. Life feels...weird. I don't know if it's the changing of seasons (which, by the way, can't seem to commit to changing) or what, but I've felt for a while that except for a few incidents where I am specifically engaged in a specific activity doing specific things and whatnot, that it's like life is happening, but I'm not happening with it. I hope that makes sense. I don't even know if it makes sense to me. So maybe it REALLY doesn't make sense to anyone else. Of course, it may just be that I've got so many THINGS happening at this very second, that I can't focus on any one of them long enough to really feel engaged. May and December are always hard. As a nanny (even as a nanny to very grown-up persons) they are spectacularly busy. Moving in and out of dorms and finishing the school year and doctors' and dentists' appointments and packing for trips. It's...a lot. And due to several things, this year is particularly "fun"-filled. I'vve also immersed myself in a kind a peresonal reorganization. Actually, this started way long in the past. The closet reorganization and clean-out started last November. The weekend of the Iron Bowl, to be precise. And I know this specifically because I was decoupaging a bookcase to go in my closet and became so engrossed in Alabama taking Auburn to the woodshed that I put a paintbrush full of ModPodge into my beer. Suffice it to say I have gotten rid of bags and bags of clothes. I thought about taking them to the consignment shop in town, but then I remembered how awesome it is to find something super-cool in a thrift store and I took them to Goodwill. It felt especially refreshing since our closest Goodwill was flooded completely during last September's hurricane and they lost literally ALL of their merchandise. AND I have a theory that doing that makes good thrifting karma for me down the road. And I'm pretty sure I'm right. I took a trunk-load and then the next week, found two pairs of Lilly pants, plus a Dooney and Bourke purse for K at Red, White and Blue.

Another ongoing, but almost finished project, has been going through the absolutely enormous stack of old magazines that had seemingly mated and multiplied in the corner of my closet. Long before Pinterest allowed you to virtually pin cool outfits and recipes and party ideas, I had kept big binders of stuff I had found and torn out of magazines. Of course, in one of those, life is happening spans of time, I had allowed a pretty good stack to start growing. And then, as the stack grew, it became just intimidating. So rather than deal with it, I just let it sit. And grow some more. I'm not finished. I've gotten through pretty much all of the fashion magazines--they're easy. I see it, I like it and I tear it.--but the cooking magazines are so much harder. That involves things like reading ingredients and weighing the relative difficulty of making whatever it is. It's also harder now that television season is winding down. Going through old magazines is an absolutely PERFECT activity when you don't want to JUST watch.

So closet-95% organized. I even have, at this very moment, exactly TWO things sitting next to the ironing board waiting to be ironed. This is a MAJOR accomplishment for me, since it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility for me to have two complete baskets waiting to be ironed. Magazine clean out? About 70% done. I still have to put the fairly sizable stack of awesome things I've found into the pockets in the binders. I've completely cleaned out one storage room and am about halfway done with the other. I'm attacking that tomorrow.

I've stage-managed on high school show. Been to see the other. Saw a friend in a show last weekend. Seeing friends in another on Friday. Have to get through my show in June. And maybe Mimi's if I can get home for it.

I'm setting small goals. I've finally figured that it's the only way to make anything happen. And if, on some days, said goal consists solely of making the bed and hanging up the towel rather than throwing it on top of the hamper? Well, I'm okay with that.

Because Ferris was right. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Am I the only one who has these vast periods of your life where it feels like everything is moving sin a speed that resembles double fast-forward? In the past couple of weeks, I've realized that my life has felt like that since...September, maybe? It feels like yesterday that I was packing to go to Walt Disney World for vacation. I was getting dressed the other day and I put on something and thought that it felt like something I wear ALL THE TIME and then I realized that I hadn't worn it since back in September when I wore it the day I did the American Idol Experience show at Hollywood Studios. So, really, life has been FLYING. I also realized, as I pulled out my spring and summer clothes, that I am pretty much at the limit of what I consider to be my maximum density. I did a show. I'm doing a show. I am going through a massive cleaning and reorganizing. I have a million things going on. I may be going through a fashion readjustment and resettlement. I've become obsessed with cooking, especially the trying new things part of cooking. I am also obsessed with Zumba, which is the absolute most fun one can have while exercising. I sprained my ankle three weeks ago and it's still kind of wonky. So...weird life upheaval time is happening. I have no idea.

OMG, y'all.

Am I the only one who has these vast periods of your life where it feels like everything is moving sin a speed that resembles double fast-forward? In the past couple of weeks, I've realized that my life has felt like that since...September, maybe? It feels like yesterday that I was packing to go to Walt Disney World for vacation. I was getting dressed the other day and I put on something and thought that it felt like something I wear ALL THE TIME and then I realized that I hadn't worn it since back in September when I wore it the day I did the American Idol Experience show at Hollywood Studios. So, really, life has been FLYING. I also realized, as I pulled out my spring and summer clothes, that I am pretty much at the limit of what I consider to be my maximum density. I did a show. I'm doing a show. I am going through a massive cleaning and reorganizing. I have a million things going on. I may be going through a fashion readjustment and resettlement. I've become obsessed with cooking, especially the trying new things part of cooking. I am also obsessed with Zumba, which is the absolute most fun one can have while exercising. I sprained my ankle three weeks ago and it's still kind of wonky. So...weird life upheaval time is happening. I have no idea.