Reinventions

I am...relatively small. I mean, compared to most humans--at least American humans--I am pretty short and pretty slight. That said, I, like many people, have what I consider to be my maximum density. I talked to someone about this one time. "This" being that I am quite obviously, not obese. I wear a size 4 most of the time. Sometimes a 2. Occasionally a 6. And I was telling this friend how I had been talking about how I had started to edge up to the point where instead of taking a 2 and 4 to the dressing room to try, I was taking a 4 and 6. The person I was talking to (not the friend to whom I was telling the story about the talking) was...very offended. I know that I should be grateful that I am able to maintain a fairly constant weight when I eat the way I do much of the time. And I am. I'm glad that I came back from more than a week at Walt Disney World, where I ate like a 14-year old boy, weighing exactly two pounds heavier. Although when you are just 5'3", two pounds can mean an appreciable difference in how your clothes fit. And I get that if you are person who has struggled with weight that someone complaining about theirs when the biggest size they've ever worn is an 8 could be frustrating. But it's like K says..."You do you."

So here's me doing me. I am ten pounds heavier than the heaviest I like to be. Part of that, I know is that I've worked with a personal trainer for more than a year and have put on a huge amount of muscle. The problem is that the muscle is trapped under a small layer of...not muscle. I have freakishly huge calves which I like to say are a beautiful combination of pasty and doughy (I really am one of the whitest people I know). My back looks awesome. My backSIDE less so. My chest and shoulders definitely pass muster, but my upper arms are not as hot. As for my middle? I have core muscles for days. And if you press on the flabbiness that covers them, you can totally fee; that were the flab to melt away, I would have, if not a six-pack, then a fairly decent four-pack. The less said about my thighs the better.

And I feel kind of stuck. Like even if I work out like a fiend, I'm at one of those weird plateau places. And I'm not. moving. at. all. Which has been fine for the past few weeks. A little over a month ago, I went to my friend, Katie's wedding. I wore 4 inch heels. I drank like a fool (and that included the handy tequila shots that were passed at the cocktail hour). I did dance moves including, but not limited to, actual routines that I had learned in Zumba. And it was awesome and fun and I made it home unscathed. Of course, the next afternoon, I am walking straight, in flats, without a drink in sight and manage to sprain my ankle more severely than I have since the unfortunate Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Rehearsal Fall-Down Fail of 1998.

Which brings me to this. I have a friend (and one who knows what she's doing) who once told me that if you are someone who normally loses weight easily and quickly but you get to a plateau and no matter what you do, the weight's not going in either direction, then it's time for a cleanse. She used to do the Master Cleanse on occasion. I am going to try it. Of course, she was super healthy most of the time anyway and would just do it after the holidays to get herself readjusted. This means that she would go straight into the actual cleanse. And this is the thing where you drink water and lemon juice and cayenne pepper and molasses. Which sounds disgusting to me, but most people I know who've done it say it's really not that bad. Instead of going right to that, which would probably throw my poor system into a seizure, I am going to do the "Ease-in". I'm also not gonna cleanse for a month or anything crazy. Three days is the minimum. I think I'm gonna try five. We'll see. I'm not a fan of posting my weight or measurements. Although I do plan to take a picture and post it. A picture WHERE I AM WEARING A BATHING SUIT. So instead of post in weight and measurements, we'll say that today I weigh X pounds and my measurements are X inches. And from here on out, I'll call my weight (I hope) X-however much i've lost.

Tomorrow is fruits and vegetables only. Which sounds awesome. Until you know that they have to be raw. Which I don't necessarily hate. But that's a lot of raw vegetables and fruits with NOTHING on them. And here's the kicker...no caffeine. Only water and herbal tea. Yeah, it's entirely possible that I lose my mind completely.